Let me just preface this by saying that those who will resonate with this the most are going to be those with a christian background or at least those with familial ties. However, I intend to give a clear, unbiased perspective that hopefully most can relate to. Implied in my preface was that I am a christian man, a christian man who believes the best decision he can make in his life right now is to move in with his girlfriend. This is a very contentious topic amongst many of my christian friends, half of whom aren’t even aware of the transition I’m making. For those of you not aware, it is considered foolish, and to some, a sin to live with your partner prior to tying the knot. Therefore, rather than persist in endless debate with my fellow sectarians I will give a list of reasons to why this a very judicious decision to make. In addition, my leaving out biblical scriptures is intentional. Although I am a christian man, I do not believe that church doctrine should dictate how I choose to live my life, as long as I choose to live it with god. Thus, my reasoning is purely secular without any particular religious ties.
1. What better way to know my tolerance of my significant other than to live with them?
Let me begin this by saying that I believe marriage to be a sacred, and very invaluable institution. One that I myself, never wish to break. Consequently, I believe it’s imperative to take whatever steps necessary to ensure the lasting bond with my wife will remain an adhesive one. What better way to understand compatibility than to experience what it will be like to live with them on a daily basis. No, I’m not searching for those puerile tendencies that will cause us to build up a distaste for the other person. Trivial things such as a dish left out or a snooze button pressed too many times is not going to deter my love. I’m searching to see if we have that Gorilla Glue love that once past honeymoon stages, can endure. I want to know if we can grow together, live through hardships. I want to know this before I make a lifelong commitment. What shall I do if I enter marriage and come to the realization that living amongst each other is not something either of us is fond of, and that we just seem to work best when we’re apart. Now some of you might raise the question, “won’t that relationship become more physical than emotional or spiritual? That this literal closeness you’ll share on a regular basis might hinder retrieving the essence of their inner person through conversation?” Normally, I would have to truly consider that argument, but I’m well aware that this is not the case for myself. I’ve had both the pleasure and pain of being in a long-distance relationship for over 7 months. Pain being the obvious stretch of land between us, and pleasure being the considerable amount of time we were able to just simply, talk. For usually more than two hours a day we got to learn about our innermost secrets and fears, contemplate the future, and share vulnerable stories. With this beautiful curse as I call it, we were able to know more about each other than most couples ever hope to do, and this I can say with certainty. I know that living life together will bring in the much needed physical presence into our lives to augment and enhance an already blossoming relationship.
2. Why wait to fall deeper in love with your partner?
I wish to know my girlfriend deeper than I ever have before. I know how she thinks, I know what makes her happy and sad, I know what she’s passionate about, I know her dreams and apprehensions, but one thing I’m short of is her presence. Yes, we have spent multiple times together, often traveling great distances and going to great expense. But I wish to spend multitudes of time studying and reveling in her idiosyncrasies. Ones that she might not even be aware that she has. I want more than lunch ever other day, movies on Fridays, and hikes on Sundays. I want to wake on mornings knowing her presence is there, and ending my night knowing the same. Why subject our relationship to casual visitation when we both desire to know each other on a deeper level. I want us to make decisions together, plan our lives together. Just the simple thought of Target shopping for furniture is something I daydream about. When we already know so much of each other, and desire each other’s presence so dearly, why wait to fall deeper in love.
3. Will this take away from my potential marriage?
An easy way to acknowledge the counter perspective is to quote the author Joshua Harris. In his book I kissed a Girl: Say Hello to Courtship he writes of having a marriage-only, special list. The theory is that the more items you do before marriage, it starts to lessen the special things you receive upon marriage, thus making marriage less special. I vehemently disagree. Marriage is more than a to-do list. It is a commitment to that person, and it’s your affirmation of love. Marriage isn’t just an institution, it’s a statement of your undying love for that person. That is something that cannot be checked off the list of special; it’s the intrinsically immutable statement that is implied when you say “I do”. Sharing a life with someone I love is an adventure I am fully ready to partake in.
This is my opportunity to not only decipher the plausibility of marrying this person, but it is my opportunity to fall deeper in love with the woman I’m already crazy about. I want this to be a learning experience as well as a great emotional and spiritual journey. Proverbially speaking, how can I open the door to marriage if my key is not yet finished? This opportunity is essentially my keymaster, the decider of my fate. Once the grooves are cut and the dimples are shaved, I can open the door. The door to living with beauty. Her name, is Amanda.